A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings Published by St. Martin's Publishing Group on February 10, 2026
Genres: Biography & Autobiography / Personal Memoirs, Biography & Autobiography / Women, Religion / Cults
Pages: 304
Format: Hardcover
ISBN: 9781250898050Recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement as a young wife, Tia Levings learned that being a good Christian meant following a list of additional life principles––a series of secret, special rules to obey. Being a godly and submissive wife in Christian Patriarchy included strict discipline, isolation, and an alternative lifestyle that appeared wholesome to outsiders. Women were to be silent, “keepers of the home.”
Tia knew that to their neighbors her family was strange, but she also couldn't risk exposing their secret lifestyle to police, doctors, teachers, or anyone outside of their church. Christians were called in scripture to be “in the world, not of it.” So, she hid in plain sight as years of abuse and pain followed. When Tia realized she was the only one who could protect her children from becoming the next generation of patriarchal men and submissive women, she began to resist and question how they lived. But in the patriarchy, a woman with opinions is in danger, and eventually, Tia faced an urgent and extreme choice: stay and face dire consequences, or flee with her children.
Told in a beautiful and honest voice, A Well-Trained Wife is an unforgettable and timely memoir about a woman's race to save herself and her family and details the ways that extreme views can manifest in a marriage.
A beautifully vulnerable novel that explores such a difficult topic. I’m amazed by the writing and the courage it took Levings to go back to this place so others know about this and those who are in this movement know there not alone.
I surprisingly saw a lot of myself in Tia Levings while reading it. I also grew up in a conservative Christian environment (not to the extent she did, but close) and the real difference is the differing pathways we went on as children. Her want to fit in and have community was similar to mine but I was way too much of a logical child and couldn’t swallow the nonsense they fed me after my best friend died of cancer. I ended up leaving the church around 6th grade thus began my deconstruction journey (that lasted until I finally decided in grad school that I don’t believe in Christianity and started following pagan practices).
Tia Levings ended up going towards the Christian patriarchy due to not having the tools or anyone surrounding her who allowed her to leave and question the church. I was lucky in this aspect (shout out to grandma)!
This was definitely a difficult book to read. I only read about two to three chapters a day, and sometimes even skipped a day or two. The writing was well written and definitely approachable, but the content of the writing was infuriating, as well as scary and sad at times. All the abuse suffered from her husband was horrendous and all the church elders who upheld this abuse was horrible. I don’t know why I’m still surprised that men think this way. I just cannot fathom the idea of oppressing anyone.
The scene of Tia and her children leaving their house that night had me on the edge of my seat. Even though my sister told me beforehand what would happen with the husband coming back and her passing him, I was still on tenterhooks until they were safe. I don’t believe in god but I do think there instincts (maybe even the paranormal) that are ingrained in women to know when their life is in danger. I cannot ever image living through a night like that.
I absolutely think everyone should read this book. A beautifully written deep dive into Christian patriarchy, purity culture, and the ways women are forced to follow their husbands. To all women out there who are still in a culture similar to this, please reach out to someone, you can even reach out to me (I’d be surprised if anyone in this movement found this blog but just in case: this is a safe space).
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